A HAVOC Tactical Group Training Facility
“Where the trauma is real and the crafts are advanced weapons handling.”

🌲 A Message From Our Founder, Birch Hawker:
“Camp Chickapoke changed my life. Mostly because I was court-mandated to lead it after buying the property on a dare. Since then, we’ve repurposed this innocent summer camp into a premier survival and tactical training facility for former spec ops operatives, off-grid troublemakers, and civilians with control issues. We also serve marshmallows, occasionally.”

Program Highlights:

• Survival 101:
  Learn how to purify water, build a shelter, and emotionally detach in under 48 hours.
• Close Quarters Combat:
  Fight in a cabin that still smells like wet sleeping bags and first kisses.
• Firearms Training:
  Shoot at things. Hit most of them. Recalibrate your life choices.
• Emotional Suppression Bootcamp (Optional):
  Now offered as a silent 4-day hike with Birch. No talking. No crying. Just vibes.
• Campfire Tactics & Trauma-Bonding:
  S’mores included. Ghost stories discouraged (we already have enough).
• Escape & Evasion (Advanced):
  Release yourself from zip ties, duct tape, emotional baggage.

Accommodations:

• Rustic, vintage cabins formerly occupied by 9-year-olds named Brayden.
• Bunk beds, limited electricity, abundant attitude.
• No WiFi. You’re here to connect with nature, and maybe your past sins.

Merch & Swag is available at the mess hall:

• “Camp Chickapoke – Cry Less, Run Faster” t-shirts
• “Birch Hawker Ruined My Life” mugs
• Refillable trauma flasks (engraving optional)

📍 Location:

Somewhere near Phelps Lake, North Carolina.
Coordinates classified unless you’re on the list—or get lost and cry loud enough.

🚨 F.A.Q.

Q: Is this real?
A: Emotionally, yes.

Q: Will I survive this camp?
A: Define survive.

Q: Why is it called Chickapoke?
A: That information has been redacted for the safety of everyone involved.

For registration inquiries, encrypted messages, or offers to donate old summer camp trophies to melt into custom knives, please contact:

H.A.V.O.C Tactical Group
c/o The Hawker Manse
Haven, NC.

WELCOME, RECRUIT 
Congratulations. You’ve either:
A) Signed up voluntarily (poor life choices),
B) Been recruited by someone with questionable ethics,
C) Lost a bet, or
D) Mistaken this for a wellness retreat. 

Either way—you’re here now. And leaving requires either clearance or a dramatic escape we’d definitely post on the bulletin board. 
Camp Chickapoke isn’t a resort. It’s not a vibe. It’s not even technically legal.
It’s where we train those who can’t be trained. Fix what can’t be fixed. And occasionally roast marshmallows while emotionally suppressing the urge to cry.

✍️ BEFORE YOU BEGIN: SIGN HERE

I, ____________, willingly accept the consequences of entering this godforsaken pine-scented crucible. I acknowledge that:

• Crying is not weakness unless it interferes with rope climbing.
• Birch Hawker is not a therapist, despite his fondness for assigning emotional flashbacks as training drills.
• Tilda Reyes can—and will—break my spirit with a clipboard.
• This waiver may not hold up in court, but it looks cool.

☑ I understand that “Don’t be soft” is not a suggestion.
☑ I consent to being yelled at lovingly.
☑ I will not sue if I fall in love with my trauma.
☑ I accept the single-use Xanax enclosed with this packet. No refills. Hide it wisely.

Signature: ___________________________
Date: __________
Blood Type (optional but recommended): _______

BIRCH’S DAILY SCHEDULE

0500 – Wake-up Call
Alarms optional. Imani banging pots is more effective.
0530 – Cold Lake Plunge
It’s not a metaphor. It’s just awful.
Don’t be soft.
0600 – Breakfast (Optional. Judged if Skipped.)
Choice of cereal or resentment.
Eat fast.
0700 – Obstacle Course: Confidence Slayer Edition
If it’s bleeding, you’re probably fine.
0900 – Close Quarters Combat
Cabin 6: low ceilings, high trauma.
Duck faster. Don’t be soft.
1100 – Firearms & Regret
Hit your target. Or explain yourself to Zero.
1300 – Lunch & Lamentations
Complain and Tilda assigns you to Birch’s therapy hike.
Hydrate or cry harder.
1400 – Escape & Evasion
Includes duct tape, zip ties, and awkward emotional metaphors.
1600 – Tactical Therapy Session
Tilda asks “How are you?” and makes you mean it.
No faking it.
1800 – Dinner (Survival Depends on Impressing Imani)
Say thank you. Or she’ll curse your biscuits.
1930 – Campfire Debriefing
S’mores + oversharing = team bonding
No kumbaya. Bring bourbon. Don’t be soft.
2200 – Lights Out (Unless Birch has Ideas)
Sleep is optional. Trust is earned.

SWAG OPTIONS (AVAILABLE AT MESS HALL)

• “Camp Chickapoke – Cry Less, Run Faster” T-shirt
  • “Birch Hawker Ruined My Life” mug
  • Trauma flask: customizable with your last words or safe word
  • Bonus patch: I Survived Cabin 6 & All I Got Was This Emotional Damage

🚨 F.A.Q. (You’ll Ask Anyway)
Q: Why is it called Camp Chickapoke?
A: Because “Camp Sudden Death” didn’t pass HR.
Q: Will I survive?
A: Define “survive.” Emotionally? Debatable. Physically? Maybe.
Q: Who’s in charge?
A: Birch acts like he is. Tilda actually is. Imani just knows things.
Q: Are there snacks?
A: You may earn one (1) marshmallow by blindfold-navigating the rope course and apologizing to your inner child.

FINAL NOTE
Camp Chickapoke isn’t here to fix you.
It’s here to remind you that you were never broken.
You’re just… harder to rebuild.
Welcome to the fire.

BH